Cork: A tampon. The Gift: I say 'I'm gifted' when I'm having it, or 'I have not received my gift yet' when not. I'm Dying: I think this is funny, but I have an odd sense of humor. As in, 'Could I steal a cork? I'm dying.' Being Drafted: I would be surprised if anyone else has thought this up, this comes from a conversation I had with my boyfriend a long time ago about how women do not have to sign up for the draft. He also brought up that we menstruate, which is the basis of his theory as to why women aren't drafted. He said, 'You bleed too much to be in the army; you're drafted once a month.' So that's what he calls it." (April 2001)
Left: The Onion "newspaper"'s (27 November 2002) euphemisms for menstruation. (Chart borrowed from the Onion; I'll return it when done.)
Some are real, some probably bogus - those incurable joksters!
Read The Onion, a humor site.
I had my first period at ten. I'm fifty now; do the math. At this point, the euphemisms have their own euphemisms. Both friends and family were well-read and fond of puns and word play. I also went to an all-girl school for three years. Our ability to share freely was equaled by our fear of talking about the subject in front of males. I'll try not to repeat what is already on the site (It's marvelous, by the way!).
My mom used to buy the super pads. It was like walking with the Sunday edition of the New York Times between your legs, so we called them the NY Times or the Sunday Edition. We asked her to buy the Detroit or local daily instead. We would describe the flow by what section we needed. Business section meant ordinary, funnies meant an unusual period, and Parade (a very small section) meant a panty liner. Tampons became the special advertising insert. PMS was getting ready to do the NY Times crossword. This led to headlines for the section; most of these were references to other terms you have already included.
Ragtime music got a similar treatment in that it started out as just that phrase but became more varied and less direct. Mom knew more of the musicians and writers, so we just guessed when she mentioned someone new. I still think of Modess and Midol sometimes when Scott Joplin's name comes up in conversation.
The Canadian flag is white with a large red maple leaf. This lead to: saluting the Canadian flag, defecting to Canada, crossing the bridge into Canada, taking the tunnel to Windsor (from Detroit, Michigan, USA), it's hockey night in Canada (This expression is similar to the US pre-game question, 'Are you ready for some football?')
Washing machines have cycles, so there is a set of descriptions involving rinse and spin. This leads to agitation settings. 'I was hoping for a light load on gentle but got jeans on heavy duty.' I think WC Fields referred to it when he described a woman who should be forgiven because her washing machine was broken.
Songs you could sing or hum were good for code: Red Sails in the Sunset, Here Comes Peter Cottontail, The Bunny Hop, Walk Like an Egyptian, The House of the Rising Sun (Japanese flag), Maple Leaf Rag, O Canada! (Red maple leaf on white flag), The Red, Red Robin Goes Bob Bob Bobbing Along, Remember the Red River Valley.
Offensive to our Jewish friends. No Jews allowed (well, some Jewish guys still did). Won't be having the Rabbi over for dinner tonight. Not Kosher. Not Kosher for Passover (Also draws in the image of lamb's blood on the door frames).
Because there would be no need for a rabbit test: The bunny lived! Another rabbit's life is spared! Peter Rabbit is hopping. Br'er Rabbit's is laughing again. Hopping down the bunny trail. Here come Flopsy and Mopsy. It's not Easter but the rabbit's celebrating anyway.
Not pregnant: Don't need to rewrite the will this week. Came dangerously close to the gene pool but am currently toweling off. The pediatricians are getting worried about losing future customers, so Dr. Blank is busy drawing Binky, learning more about the dynamic opportunities in the heating and cooling industry, taking in a boarder, etc.
Different brands' slogans, commercial copy, pseudotext from instructional pamphlets, etc: I'm even absorbing the worry (Rely), Because, millions of women have and you can, too, doing all of the things I can do the rest of the month, enjoying favorite activities like tennis and swimming without worry! Because an egg did not become fertilized and implant itself, I am experiencing a normal shedding of the uterine lining.
Wearing or reading The Red Badge of Courage.
She's not colorfast this week. Once at the beach, my friend's 'friend' came early and caught her unprepared. She didn't have her own car with her to go to the store. I showed her where we kept the stash and told her to use what she needed. The next day we went out on the lake in small, inflatable rafts. She had a brand-new red hooded sweatshirt tied around her waist. As we were getting into the raft, she leaned over and dipped part of the shirt into the lake. The dye from the material ran bright red against the yellow raft. In an offended hostess voice, I reminded her that, as a guest, she was welcome to use whatever she needed. We were still trying to push off from the beach while both curled up in the fetal position laughing. That made our butts drag on the sand so we had even less chance of getting the raft launched. Waves came over the side and the raft filled higher and higher with reddish pink water. The guys paddled back to help us and see what we were laughing about. I think they figured it out.
Bad clam season: red tides were supposed to make seafood poisonous.
My car's stalled at a red light means a longer than normal period.
Making pink lemonade (blood and urine mixed).
Visiting the red planet. Off to Mars.
Any conversation including the words light, regular, and super means you need a tampon. 'It would be super if you could turn on the light for me just the regular ones.' 'Could Superman see in regular light?'
At some offices, the employer thoughtfully provides a free supply. Thus, women refer to 'certain paper products only available in the ladies room.' One of my office mates was already in the stall when she discovered a need. She made a noise that I recognized and I asked her if she needed me to hand her something. Through the crack in the door she saw me reach for a tampon, and said, 'No, the little square box.' Months later she had occasion to tell me she was having cramps and referred to the incident. 'I'm using what's in those little square boxes.' Of course, when the jerk from accounting approaches, a wise woman mentions tampons by name, directly, and loud enough for him to hear while he has time to turn and run.
Screamed loudly into dorm hallway, 'I need SERIOUS DRUGS and a HEATING PAD!'
Synchronizing up was common in the dorm so PMS hit the floor like a tornado sometimes. It coincided with midterms once, and a floor mate dismissed a loud fight between two roommates as, 'They'll be friends again by next week. They're fighting over the heating pad.'
Disposal issues fall under the term girl garbage. As in, 'Where do you put your girl garbage?'
Shopping for enzymatic laundry soap.
I have special girl stuff to do. This means 'No, I can't wait until the next rest stop.'
Fish and then restock the pond means changing a tampon.
Based on jokes:
I'm missing (only wearing) one sock. [How can you tell a Whatever woman at the beach? She's wearing white socks. How can you tell if she's having her period? She's only wearing one sock. What kills Whatever women? Toxic Sock Syndrome. ]
Egyptian Flu Shot. The Egyptian Flu makes you a mummy. I don't remember calling it the Egyptian Flow but that makes sense now. We did add Walk Like an Egyptian to the song list, though.
Typewriter's fixed. You think your typewriter's pregnant because it skipped a period.
I was surprised that more terms involving mouse mattresses were not listed. Keeping the mouse up nights, making the mouse sleep on the floor or the couch, being a mouseketeer, Mickey Mouse gestures, etc. Heavy periods meant evacuating all of the mice (due to extreme flooding, of course).
With reference to other items on this page:
As for the communists invading the summer house, we called it the red army and it invaded the southlands.
Strings attached was common in Michigan in the '70s as was ram a tam by non-sorority women.
I was hospitalized in England and they referred to the pads by the brand name Dr Whites.
I would have sent this information a few years earlier but I didn't realize that you were still collecting data. I was raised during a time when cramps meant you were unhappy with your gender or maybe a lesbian. If an MD had met one woman who didn't have problems, he (there weren't many women doctors then) was certain that the rest of us must be mentally ill. My mother didn't tell me about cramps because she didn't want to put ideas into my head. I was pretty upset to have the 'wonderful time' described by those pamphlets repeatedly marred by the same strange set of symptoms three times in a row. I was even more upset to find that these symptoms were going to accompany each and every period. I'd need a heating pad, supply of hot tea, and a barf bucket for two or three days every month - for decades to come! I remember sitting down with a calendar and trying to imagine how many life events were going to be ruined from that moment on.
I learned to hate those starched, white-dressed women who stood beside the man in the lab coat while he explained to me that it was all imaginary. Some of them would catch me alone and whisper things about aspirin and whiskey, but most would smile that every 28 days like clockwork smile. I knew they weren't going to help the women's rights movement any. At least no one tries to impose their symptom-free vision on us any more. I think that women who have never had uncomfortable experiences with menstruation have less reason to create humor around the subject. They miss out on a certain bond we fellow sufferers have. Perhaps it is the other way around now, and women who don't get PMS or cramps feel less womanly. I hope not. It would be nice if we could just be ourselves, just be the women we are playing the hands we were dealt instead of being judgmental towards each other.
Thanks for the great site!
Yours,
[Later she added:]
Yes, these have all been uttered at some point. Most were short-lived until I typed them. The average length in use for the less popular was three to days. It did take quite a while to search my organic database for these terms. I had started a list when I discovered your site a few years back but I lost or deleted it. Every once in a while, I'd remember another one and add it to this new document. In re-reviewing the list, I noticed that you might want to include that the Canadian flag's center portion is white with red. The flag also has red at each side.
And, yes, indeed, my family members are a sharp-tongued breed. My mother was an English teacher; my father sent our first puns to a cartoonist who illustrated them and published them in a panel next to the Family Circus. Friends at the girls school would spend days conversing only in song lyrics. On weekend trips to the cottage, we'd often pick a theme and do jokes on it from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. (Please do not ask about the deck hand with the chip on his shoulder and his Old Maid Ante with her face flushed from drinking gin!) College was another time for song parodies and repetitive jokes. I have had deliberately bad poetry published. It was only normal that this bodily function become fodder for wordplay.
From my friend (who recently figured out why there was so much emphasis on removing bloodstains in detergent ads and now understands the reference to enzymatic detergents) I received a pair of the Martha Stewart Mules slippers made from maxi pads to which I did not see a reference on your site. If you would like them, I would be happy to mail them to you with the semi-amusing instructions for making them. They may not fit into an ordinary PO box as they are made of four fully re-inflated pads.
As for my opinion on why you started this project, there is often just one reason a straight man does anything: to meet chicks!
Der bliver malet i entreen* The hallway is being painted Der er kommunister i lysthuset* There are communists in the funhouse Jeg flager rødt (i den nedre region)* The red flag is up (in the lower regions) Jeg har det røde* I have the red (thing) Jeg har mændenes frustration* I've got the male frustration Jeg koger jordbær* I'm boiling strawberries Man er ikke rigtig sømand før man har sejlet på det Røde Hav* You are not a real sailor before you've sailed the Red Sea
Geneese, Geneese, you are my special friend, Geneese Geneese, you're with me now and then, Geneese Genee-eese I'm so in love with you - o, o, doobeedoooo
Dear Mr. Finley! When I first visited your Web site of menstruation I was very impressed that there are so many expressions for the worst days in women's life. But what you wrote about German expressions is not really "funny." The German expressions are not the words young people would use one week a month. I am German and I think that the expressions are those of some adults. Well, the mostly used words in Germany are all translated from the American or Canadian expressions (like "riding on the red wave"). So please complete the list of German expressions! Greetings from Germany
Kibalti I got "My grandmother used to simply call the period 'Stalin.' Very appropriate. My mom says it's obviously because Stalin was red. I think it's obviously because he was nasty. Another expression used back in my mother's day was 'mehurbenet,' which means 'shitty,' as in 'I'm shitty today.' I have no idea why this would be preferable to just saying one of the two explicit words ('veset' or 'mahzor,' which both mean 'period,' the second one used for other periodical events as well). Another very common expression is just to say 'kibalti,' which means 'I got,' short for 'kibalti veset' or 'kibalti mahzor,' without saying the dreaded words directly. These expressions are from Israel. And they are used by women (well, men would use the two official words, but only if they are at gun point :)." (June 2006) Mahzor see Kibalti Mehurbenet see Kibalti Stalin see Kibalti Veset see Kilbalti
The only two expressions in Japanese for menstruation [but see a Japanese translator's many contributions, below] that I could find contain the interesting Kei, which might be just a phonetic and not reflect the component characters' meanings, as happens often in what someone called the most unnecessarily difficult language today.
But the character circled in red means "thread," and might relate to "rule," a word appearing in other languages (see the entries for French, German and Spanish on this page). But that seems far-fetched.
The familiar "moon" appears, as it does in the word "menstruation" in the form of "month," "menstruation" being a widely used word in the West.
See these characters used at the bottom of this page.
My information comes from "The Kanji Dictionary," by Spahn, Hadamitzky and Fujie-Winter (Tuttle, 1996).
"Water" gives an idea of flowing and appears with the character Kei, as above.
Strangely enough, the character for blood is missing in these expressions - but it's missing in the European word "menstruation." To me, menstruation is blood and is the, um, shocking thing about it. Isn't it odd that blood is missing from the most common expression in English and in Japanese? What is standard seems to be a euphemism. Germans do say Monatsblutung, but just catch someone in an Anglo-Saxon country, and probably Japan, saying "monthly bleeding" in public!
In researching the above expressions I found Gekka hyojin in the The Kanji Dictionary, a phrase I find hilarious. The only way I can interpret "ice person" is as an "ice breaker," but Japanese being what it is, it is undoubtedly something else. (A Japanese translator explains the expression, below.)
Nora Nora Stevens Heath Japanese-English translations: http://www.fumizuki.com/" [She later added:]
Hi, again,
I'm glad you can use the Japanese contribution on the MUM site! It's a great resource, and I'm happy to be able to add to it.
The survey (in Japanese) is here:
http://www.kao.co.jp/mag/laurier/
It seems to have been sponsored by Kao, a company that manufactures the Laurier brand of sanitary pads (among many other products). I'd be happy to provide more info if you'd like to include it.
The entire survey, of which this is only a tiny part, is actually quite interesting. It reveals how Japanese women feel about their 'gekkei' (this term is used as the neutral, technical term throughout the survey), what their main physical complaints are, and so on. Maybe if there's a Japanese MUM in your future...? :)
As for the kanji [Japanese character] for 'go-between', well, I certainly can agree that 'under-moon ice person' doesn't sound like a traditional go-between to me! Apparently it's a mix of 'under-moon old person' and 'ice person', both of which denote 'go-between' and have their origins in China.
Here's the 'under-moon old person' story:
On his way to the palace, a traveler came across an old man sitting beside a bag, reading a book in the moonlight. There was a red cord in the bag, and the traveler asked the old man what it was. The old man replied that it bound two fates together by tying together the feet of a man and a woman who were to become husband and wife. He then proceeded to tell the traveler who he would marry. Fourteen years later, he married the same woman the old man had said he would.
And here's the 'ice person' story:
A fellow dreamed he was standing on ice and speaking with a person below it. He consulted a fortune-teller who told him that, because he was speaking from a yang place (above the ice) to someone in a yin place (below the ice), it foretold that he would become a matchmaker. Indeed, soon after he was called to be the go-between for his master's son.
So that explains things, in a way. I love researching the origins of words and expressions in just about any language. Now we've both learned something--and I know as soon as I dip back into the MUM site, I'll be learning things left and right. Thanks again for all the hard work you put into that terrific site!
Take care--
Nora
The modern Japanese character, or kanji, AN, which means "restful, ease, or cheap." The figure under the "roof" is the modern Japanese character for women.
The ancient Chinese forerunner showing a woman sitting on menstrual cloth (?) at home (shown by the wish-bone shaped roof).
The jagged left side of the kanji normally designates dog, believe it or not, but here is the simplification of a character meaning clawed beast. The two-part right-side character means a seedling or offspring, but is used here just for its sound, a very common practice in Japanese. That sound is MYOO - or meow. So a cat is the clawed beast that meows!
MYOO comes from Chinese and is used in some Japanese compound words, but Japanese kids first learn their native word for cat, neko. The word for "Japanese style" is wafu. If I ever get another cat I'm naming him/her neko wafu after my favorite candy, Necco Wafers. (Let me head off critics by saying yes, Japanese adjectives precede nouns, but that won't work here. Hey, I've got a cat named Prof. Dr. Max C. Padd. More about cats here.)
Strangely enough, Japanese children learn the character for "dog" (at left, different from the one usually used in compound characters, above) in the first grade but are not required to know the one for "cat" until after the sixth grade. That must have cultural meaning, maybe that cats meant little in Japanese and Chinese society. My father ate in a Taiwan restaurant that cooked puppies; kittens were not on the menu. Pop did not partake. The modern symbol meaning "dog" is very simple and direct, unlike the "clawed beast that meows" for "cat," which lends credence to my hunch that dogs - as meals? - were more important. I'm not a vegan for nothing.
I'm always interested to know what different cultures call cats and why.